Swimming in Tides

2006-05-20T01:04:00.000-02:30

The only uncommon sexual expression is none at all.

Love is elusive.

2006-05-09T21:50:00.000-02:30

What you want may not be what you're looking for. What you're looking for is always out of reach.

Worship what you have?

2006-04-21T21:24:00.000-02:30

The following was written by Ben Stein and recited by him on CBS Sunday Morning Commentary, Sunday, 12/18/05.

Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:
I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important?
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are.

If this is what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.

Next confession:
I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees.

It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.

I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew, and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution, and I don't like it being shoved down my! throat.

Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too.

But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the world we knew went to.

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.
Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it.

Funny how we can be more worried about what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Glare

2006-04-21T12:10:00.000-02:30

I tell you how I feel but you don't care
I say tell me the truth but you don't dare
You say love is a hell you cannot bare
and I say give me mine back and then go there,
for all I care

for example: a degree

2006-04-11T00:22:00.000-02:30

When does something become more than the sum of its parts?

Special

2006-04-02T04:06:00.000-02:30

Do people feel they are really loved or treasured when someone thinks they are special?

What about special for the same reasons that they think they are special themselves? Or maybe even thinking something special about them that they never even knew? Or that they disliked!?
.....she doesn't like her legs. He loves them. But her legs aren't "attractive"...but he still likes them.
Well then he's not liking her legs.

Do people like the way others think about themselves?
....she likes his modesty? his confidence? his curiosity?

Who determines the "specialness" that people seek in a relationship that makes them feel worthy?

Existentialism

2006-04-02T03:36:00.000-02:30

When philosophy paints its grey in grey then has a shape of life grown old. By philosophy's grey in grey it cannot be rejuvenated but only understood.

Existentialism says that human beings can be understood only from the inside, in terms of their lived and experienced reality and dilemmas, not from the outside, in terms of a biological, psychological, or other scientific theory of human nature. Existentialism emphasizes action, freedom and decision as fundamental to human existence and is fundamentally opposed to the rationalist tradition and to positivism. That is, it argues against definitions of human beings either as primarily rational, knowing beings who relate to reality primarily as an object of knowledge or whose action can or ought to be regulated by rational principles, or as beings who can be defined in terms of their behavior as it looks to or is studied by others.

What is most important to an existing being are questions dealing with an individual's inner relationship to existence. Objective truths (e.g. mathematical truths) are important, but detached or observational modes of thought can never truly comprehend human experience. Great individuals invent their own values and create the very terms under which they excel.
--well, this is what Wikipedia says anyway..

Encouraged Force

2006-04-01T15:57:00.000-03:30

The desire for something is great: it allows devotion, inspiration, motivation. But if the desire is too strong, then it can cause a backwards effect. For example, wanting to find a special someone...if you're searching too hard, you give off the 'searching' vibes, and that in itself makes it harder to find. Worse, as this desperation increases, the chances of a positive encounter decrease. So the more you push for something, the more it pulls from you.
This is a common example I think. A lot of people can relate to it. I'm trying to think of another example....

I'm picturing myself on a little row boat or something in a body of water. And I drop something overboard, but luckily it floats. So then I use my paddle to either try to reach it or to paddle myself closer to it.
The efforts of putting hte paddle in the water create ripples on the surface, pushing the desired object further away. So there, the more I reach for it and paddle, the more its getting pushed away from me by my own efforts.

Sitting on a swing and trying to reach for a pole next to me (like on a swingset or something). As I extend my arm out to grab the pole, my body posture somehow pushes the swing farther away.

I feel like the last two are probably some sort of physics law and maybe the swing one is a kinesiology concept of pushing posture backwards to reach for something forwards. But anyway, just from my own childhood experiences on swings, I realized that if you want to go in one direction, you have to first give a slight nudge in the other direction. Don't strive the other way, but just gently lean backwards and then when the energy is going forwards, follow it. and eventually, I think, the swing will go towards the pole.

so just cruise through life swaying and when you feel the breeze pulling you in the direction you desire, go with it and know that just as easily, you can sway the other way too.
don't force things, just encourage them.

Visions

2006-03-26T03:49:00.000-03:30

Artists create lies to tell the truth

What is done to you has created you

Satisfied

2006-03-25T04:38:00.000-03:30

Too much of something is bad enough,
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too much of nothing is just as tough,
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Love is blind,
as fast as the eye can see,
Deep and meaningless,
words to me,

Easy lover,
I need a friend,
Road to nowhere twist and turns
but will this ever end.

Well I know that he pleases me,
But sometimes illusion ain't no revolution,
That ain't relase for me

Too much of something is bad enough,
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too much of nothing is just as tough,
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied

Unwrap myself from the around his finger,
Hold me too tight, or let me linger,
Something fine is built to last,
I guess we're running out of time too fast

Yes I know he soothes me,
There's no complication there's no explanation,
It just's groove in me.

Too much of something is bad enough,
But something's coming over me to make me wonder,
Too much of nothing is just as tough,
I need to know the way to feel to keep me satisfied,

Too much of nothing: so why don't we give it a try,
Too much of something: we're gonna be living a lie.

search

2006-03-23T13:49:00.000-03:30

Love people and use things
don't love things and use people.

To handle yourself, use your head.
To handle others, use your heart.

God gives every bird it's food, but He doesn't throw it into its nest.

Safety Zones

2006-03-21T12:36:00.000-03:30

Some people just dont want to be threatened. They create this perfect and comfortable place for themselves and their identity and when its questioned, they have to fight to protect it.
Well I encourage you to question your own identity before someone else realizes it doesnt exist.
Because it doesnt
and that thought is scary.
So before anyone else realizes that you are a quivering, fearful block of unstablility...check yourself
We all are

But it takes STRENGTH to admit to your WEAKNESSES

Bailando

2006-03-20T02:37:00.000-03:30

en español

bailando, bailando
amigos adios, adios el silencio loco

si, senor, efectos especiales
si, senor, una tentacion
tu y yo a la fiesta
tu y yo toda la noche
tu y yo a la fiesta

si, senor, corona de cristales
si, senor, una emotion
tu y yo a la fiesta

la luna estaba llena
sone de un palacio
un paradiso lleno de amor

bailando, bailando
______________________
en ingles

dancing, dancing
friends good bye, good bye crazy silence

if sir, special effects
if sir, a temptation
you and I to the celebration
you and I all night

if sir, a crystal crown
if sir, an emotion
you and I to the celebration

the moon was full of a palace
a paradise full of love

dancing dancing

Manipluation or just a nudge?

2006-03-18T15:18:00.000-03:30

Some people say that when you are alone is when you are most like yourself.
Others say that certain people can bring out the "best" or "worst" of you.
And even further, one may think that taking drugs allows them to feel their natural self.

What is it?

Aren't we just our whole person all of the time and certain things ENHANCE different aspects of this whole person. Its a huge and dynamic.....thing, our "self." And besides all the philosophies of when we ARE ourselves, I'm wandering when do we act AS ourselves. Shouldn't the phrase be that one IS oneself rather than one is LIKE oneself.

Do drugs allow certain societal pollutions to dissapear? Are those influences from media and other people's opinions actually "pollution" or is it just another addition to our ever growing personality? Does personality change or is it the base for something that is then manipulated? Is development actualy manipulation?

I dont know but sometimes I like smoking a nice joint to get further inside myself. I feel like all the random jabber throughout the days is put up on a pedistal and it all comes together and there's a light on it all and it actually matters. Otherwise, I just obsess about crap and it floats around.

To be MYSELF: I'd like comfort (no one seemingly judging me [even if they actually aren't, if i think they are then i'd still hold back]). I'd like inspiration to draw something out of the inside of me. I can be myself in silence...just sitting here; but I'd need something to help me EXPRESS this "thing" that is my "self." What else? I can't decide if I'd need to be calm or hyper. Calm would allow thoughts to flow. But hype pushes them out.
What if I never watched TV or looked on the internet or...even reading a book changes my opinions.

I'd like to just sit in a forrest or on a beach (mmmm) and stare at the sky and someone comes up to me and says, hello: who are you!?

Hypergraphia

2006-03-16T00:32:00.000-03:30

The unstoppable drive to write (or produce in other media), called hypergraphia, can be triggered by temporal lobe epilepsy, mania, and other mood disorders. Dostoevsky and van Gogh are examples.

But not all hypergraphics are talented. Some of them may have nothing inside worth coming out. And unless the sides and front of the brain boast a good relationship, frenzied writing or painting can be of trash-bin quality, or can be self-edited out of existence.

The notion of muse as a "divine voice" or an inspiration from some ethereal source is intriguing. But writing, and not being able to write when you want to, come from interactions between and changes in specific areas of the brain. The muse, in other words, is merely a matter of making the right brain connections.

The limbic system, a cluster of cells deep in the brain, provides the emotion push. Nerve fibers connect it to the temporal lobes, areas behind the ears that understand words and give rise to ideas. Finally, the frontal lobe, behind the forehead, serves as a critical organizer and editor, penciling out bad phrases and ideas.

Testing for creativity

It's likely that writing and other creative work involve a push-pull interaction between the frontal and temporal lobes. If the temporal lobe activity holds sway, an aspiring scribe may turn out 600 logorrheic pages. If the temporal lobes are restrained by frontal lobe changes, the result might be pinched and timid.

Most academics regard the study of creativity "intellectually unhygienic."

As winter dwells, many people experience a dip in productivity and originality, not dissimilar to the gloomy seasonal affective disorder (SAD) that depresses some people when the days get darker and colder. SAD can be relieved by sitting in front of light boxes that provide an indoor equivalent of a sunny day. Some have begun trying to up the creativity of college students with the same treatment.

Another technique that may influence creative activity involves passing a magnetic wand over the heads of people. Called transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), it has increased creativity when applied to the frontal lobes.

Help for the brain

How about helping the brain along with some sort of electric stimulation, finding the best brain patterns to excite the muse and feeding them into the brain from outside? What about the possibility of using such procedures to make normal people more creative?

For a few creative people, drugs have opened the door to inspired hypergraphia. Pain, suffering, and frustration also stimulate floods of words and images. People may pour out their feelings as a cry for help.

What about people who believe they have something to say but can't get it out? ..remedies like alcohol, or trying to focus even when nothing is flowing are not going to break the block. Repeatedly failing at the same attempt is probably a frontal lobe malfunction that makes it hard for someone to give up. Its just better to take a break.

John Keats, the English poet, treated his writer's block by stopping and getting dressed in his best clothes.

....Hypergraphia does not stem from external influences like money, fame, or spirituality, but from an internal drive, a love of the work

Como se dices?

2006-03-11T18:13:00.000-03:30

I love culture.
I looooove accents.
and I really appreciate languages and learning them.

except for one language

MATH

its another language that i would not like to go to country of. it doesn't have a dictionary because its made up mostly of slang and irregular verbs. so, me not enjoying math for a lot of my life and now being forced to take stats292 (again) is like being thrown into Taiwan and put in a poetry reading!

I really envy people who are bilingual and I think the best measure for this is if you DREAM in both languages or if you can read POETRY in another language.
....all those metaphores and symbolism. all that deeper meaning and twists of saying the same thing with different words or saying different things with the same words

numbers are symbols
and all those signs are symbols

but i do not get what they mean when they are together!

a sigh is a symbol of frustration!
and i sigh in the face of math

even with the most fluent tutor/poet (thanks gaven), i am floating in the pacific ocean!
i will find a raft though.

practice practice practice and relax.

how do you say?

connect

2006-03-09T23:47:00.000-03:30

bean counter is a a two-stage physical data representation made of different tubes with jellybeans, so that the volume of jellybeans corresponds to the memory usage or port network traffic of a computer. taste screen is a non-visual visualization device, which drips controlled quantities of flavoring chemicals as a thin liquid residue on top of a computer monitor's coating. a user can sample the dispensed flavor by touching his tongue to the computer screen, tasting the flavor appropriate to the user’s task.

a pair of electronically enhanced cups that are wireless connected to each other with sip sensors & LED illumination. the cups will glow & celebrate when the other user (your lover) is drinking. this ambient, physical visualization explores the idea of sharing feelings of drinking between 2 people in different places by using cups as communication interfaces of drinking.

Prism tricks

2006-03-09T23:41:00.000-03:30

I feel sometimes that I am archetypal and I am striving not to be.
I don't look inward, or I do, but as if by some curious miracle of distortion like the trick of an inverting prism, my vision never catches what it's directed at. Instead I encompass the world; or take it in, or find it in myself, or embrace it, or absorb myself within it, which are all different ways of stating the same thing: another trick I'm good at.
I find repeating the same concept over and over, in different words, from different angles, in different colors, lends a certain intensity to my thoughts. At the very least, it lets me come of as tremendously perceptive and deep and so forth, and no poet worth his feathered pen ever turned a chance like that down. See, just there, I subtly alluded to the fact that I'm a poet, and that I'm feathery; so I'm narcissistic too. No, I'm really not. It's really a pretty amazing trick to pull this all off at once.

2006-02-21T18:53:00.000-03:30

maybe gratitude has nothing to do with happiness:
Being thankful means accepting what you have,
admiring the struggle it takes to be here

2006-02-21T03:33:00.000-03:30

Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you want to be

Yums on a snow day

2006-02-21T03:17:00.000-03:30

The System and its resistance

2006-02-21T02:58:00.000-03:30

So I'm thinking of jobs and life after this pretend-real-world....
first of all, i'm inspired: wow, there are so many opportunities and so many things to think about
but then....it frustrated me.
what is going on!?

why do i have to choose ONE THING and dedicate _____ time to it and do the same crap every day.
well yeah, ideally i will "do what i love and love what i do" but until then, i have to be absorbed into it.

and don't tell me to prolong school or just do grad school cause that's just a hidden system of people telling you what you "should" learn..

-from rebel sell
society has become so throroughly permeated with propaganda and lies, largely as a consequence of advertising, that the culture as a whole has become an enormous system of ideology - all designed to reproduce faith in "the system."
but the rebel cant be tied down like that; he yearns for freedom. he needs to be able to veer off at any time and start following his OWN road.
and the world that we live in is not real. consumer capitalism has taken every authentic human experience, transformed it into a commodity and then sold it back to us through advertising and the mass media. thus, every aspect of human life has been drawn into the spectacle, which itself is nothing but a system of symbols and representations, governed by its own internal logic.
we live in a world of total ideology, in which we are completely alienated from our essential nature.
we must seek two things: consciousness of desire and the desire for consciousness.
we must try to discover our own sources of pleasure, independent of the needs that are imposed on us by the system.

Day dreaming

2006-02-15T12:12:00.000-03:30

Thoughts about you and me
Thinkin' about what used to be
Love was strong and so were we
Until one day, the drift and flee

A new body a new face
But no one could fill your space
where did it go
we both should know

Warming heating cooling shade
All in need: the love we made
Maybe this was meant to be
Missing you do you miss me
reminisce of exctasy

Thoughts about you and me
Thinkin' about what used to be

ResoLUTE

2006-02-14T23:22:00.000-03:30

i WISH i could blog more!
i have so many things to think about
take the time.
it makes a difference

anything, just write.

i just had two hershey caramel kisses and they were sooooo good.

Can't go to class today

2006-02-09T14:02:00.000-03:30

I lie in an early bed, thinking late thoughts
Waiting for the black to replace my blue
I do not struggle in your web because it was my aim to get caught
But daddy longlegs, I feel that I'm finally growing weary
Of waiting to be consumed by you

Give me the first taste, let it begin heaven cannot wait
Forever
Darling, just start the chase - I'll let you win but you must
Make the endeavor

Oh, your love give me a heart contusion
Adagio breezes fill my skin with sudden red
Your hungry flirt borders intrusion
I'm building memories on things we have not said
Full is not heavy as empty, not nearly my love, not nearly

Where to start

2006-02-09T06:18:00.000-03:30

This is a poem I wrote for Lisa just off the top of my head right before I brushed my teeth and went to bed.
In response to her question about how to express stuff when you don't even know how to feel it.

I actually like it.
so I want in in MY blog as well as hers.

talking can help
but singing is better
and rhyming is fun
when given a letter
its already there
inside of your head
just listen to yourself
cause its something you said
it comes up at random
you may not even know
the thoughts you search for
automatically flow
start with a picture
and then play a song
walk in a circle
and then before long
you've got some perspective
you take another look
your life is reflecting
what you read in a book
everyone feels it
its just words that you need
to give you direction
and offer some lead
its there but its not
a label on thought
and without the label
you feel so distraught
just having emotion
feels like floating in space
and when you're floating with nothing
you dont have a place
so sit on the floor
and close your eyes
start with a letter
and soon realise
that anything that comes to you
comes from within
the hardest place to find
is where to begin
start at the front
and the middle will come
and what used to be frustrating
is now so much fun!

good luck lisa!

Reasoning behind

2006-02-07T23:10:00.000-03:30

So it took a while to think of the name.
First of all: i like swimming....well actually I like sitting on lilos and I dont even know how to spell lie-low but they are fun cause you are -slightly- submerged in water but you know you wont sink. I like that feeling a lot and I call it swimming in tides because it makes me feel free

its just,
movement.

choosing the name kind of felt like how i feel when i think of what i want to get for a tatoo. i want it to encompass everything and nothing and both at the same time. but also just be a symbol or a word.
thats the overwhelm-ment i feel.

furthermore,
I'm starting in February because
it is the month named after Februus
which is
the God of Purification.
and i
hope to purify my thoughts
through this
blog

Jump

2006-02-07T23:04:00.000-03:30

So I'm going to start blogging. The motivation for this came from the frustraion of overwhelming theories or thoughts or whatever combined with the inspiration after reading some other people's blogs.
So this first entry I don't really know what to say. But I don't really know who I am writing to either: "you people out there." I have everyone I know on my mind when I'm thinking of how this will go down.

Here goes...

cannon ball